Defining the Relationship

Steps to a healthy relationship with food.

You need food. Without it, you’d be in all sorts of trouble. You would struggle to breathe, move, maintain body temperature, and grow. Fortunately, you never forget to eat. And if you do, your body reminds you. As an added perk, food tastes good. So eating is enjoyable.

Everyone has their own relationship with food. For some, this is a healthy relationship. For others, the relationship becomes something it’s not meant to be. This can lead to eating disorders, overeating, and weight gain. No one has a perfect relationship with food, but understanding your relationships helps you change it.

A Healthy Relationship

You know what healthy relationships with people look like, but what about food? Food should be valued and enjoyed for what it is. What exactly is food? It’s a way to nourish your body. It’s also a way to find pleasure, socialize with others, and carry on traditions.

All types and varieties of food are permissible. There is no single food that’s bad in and of itself. You just have to enjoy certain foods in moderation. This gives you freedom. You eat when you’re hungry and stop when you feel satisfied. With this healthy relationship, eating doesn’t produce guilt, shame, or stress. You enjoy the process and don’t overindulge. Nutritious foods that fuel your body and make you feel good are your foods of choice.

An Unhealthy Relationship

At its worst, a bad relationship with food leads to an eating disorder. But there are less extreme dysfunctions. Someone with an unhealthy association with food often feels guilt or shame after eating. This is usually because they overate again or ate food they’ve sworn off and labeled “bad.” Feeling guilty can lead to excessive dieting or exercise to compensate for the excess calories.

An obsession with food can indicate an unhealthy relationship. Do you constantly think about your next meal, whether or not a food is good for you, or how many calories are in a food? Perhaps you lack control when it comes to food and feel a compulsion to eat more than you should.

Rather than viewing food as nourishing, food becomes a coping mechanism. It can help you deal with negative emotions or fill an emotional void. Maybe this began as a child. You were given a bottle when you cried or sweet treats after a bad day. Whether you deal with stress, anxiety, depression, anger, or boredom, you use food to distract and comfort.

Extreme or excessive dieting is another manifestation of an unhealthy relationship. Instead of enjoying all food groups or listening to your body’s hunger cues, you restrict calories, avoid certain foods, and skip meals. You make lists of what foods are allowed and which aren’t. You allow a calorie-counting app to tell you when you’re done eating. No questions asked. No exceptions. Ever.

Repairing the Relationship

If you have an unhealthy relationship with food, it’s never too late to make things right. After years of unhealthy patterns, it will take time to repair the damage, but it can be done. In some cases, you may need to seek professional therapy.

In the meantime, learn to eat in response to your body’s natural hunger cues, and give yourself permission to enjoy good food. Eat when you’re truly hungry—not when food sounds good or you’re anxious. A rumbling tummy or a lack of energy means it’s time to eat. Pay attention to your body, eat slowly, eat without distractions, and enjoy each bite. Stop eating when you’re full.
Eating healthily and enjoying food should be your goal. So have a seat, relax, and enjoy your meal.